I gave my life to the lord when I was a kid, I haven't figure out what he did with it. The mud he carved me from was watered down, I have a hard time keeping it together now. I'm not ready for a new life, I'm not done messing up the one I'm in. I am a product of my own sentiments and I'm afraid of losing all my friends now. This is abandonment. You left me on my own again. But it's all in my head, I close my eyes to avoid the sunset. I self-medicate with nicotine and stress because when I worry, I know I'm at my best. And that's why I love you, I guess. It’s tiring caring about myself. I don't know if I'm ready to not be alone, there's just something about missing someone. It turns this house into a home, the reason for the burn in my cigarette smoke. I was seventeen when I lost my youth. It's locked up in my childhood bedroom. I fall in love with everyone I meet, it's not their fault I feel empty. It's when I call you at six am, because I need to go the hospital again. I can't feel my legs this time, it's serious. It takes a self-centered man to be this helpless. The night at the bar when you moved away, reminded me that my childhood has changed. Restoring to phone calls to ease the pain, four hours later and I'll be okay. I'm still learning how to be happy without someone else trying to convince me. It will all work out in the end, they tell me, and the hardest part is in the waiting. This is me as my whole world is turning. I gave up on myself, it was an easy way out. I prayed to God so he could save me. He never did and that's what scares me. You said I forgot about the scene. “Three local shows and now he's touring." I just needed a change of scenery. A place where failures wouldn't follow me.